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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454766">how can i love when i’m afraid to fall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/savanting/pseuds/savanting'>savanting</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Phantoms' Songbook [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV), Julie and the Phantoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ALL THE FLUFF, Crushes, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Male Character, Post-Canon, Short One Shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:00:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,363</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454766</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/savanting/pseuds/savanting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke wishes with all his might that he wasn’t a ghost, but there’s no coming back from the dead. One-Shot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex &amp; Luke &amp; Reggie (Julie and the Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Luke/Julie, Luke/Julie (Julie and the Phantoms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Phantoms' Songbook [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925812</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>422</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>how can i love when i’m afraid to fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I do not own anything related to <i>Julie and the Phantoms</i>. This is a little fic from Luke’s POV. Enjoy!</p><p>The title comes from lyrics in the song “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were a few things Luke had learned upon becoming a ghost.</p><p>One, it was impossible not to miss the comforts of a flesh-and-blood body. That was the only thing he envied from Caleb’s ghost club: it was possible for a ghost to ingest food, to remember things like taste and smell, and to feel the presence of objects rather than simply cruising through them in spirit mode.</p><p>Two, human things like sleeping and even breathing were a long-ago memory. Luke craved the softness of a pillow, the solidness of a bedframe and mattress, the utter bliss it was to exhaust yourself during the day before sinking into the realm of dreams.</p><p>And speaking of dreams – that was number three: he missed dreaming. Desperately. Some of his best songs began as snippets in his subconscious, rising to the surface with a start, like diving into a cool pool during the height of summer.</p><p>Plus, if Luke were honest, he knew he would have been dreaming of Julie Molina too.</p><p>It should have been enough to have Julie during his waking hours, but Luke couldn’t help the wonder of it. In dreams, he could have been alive; she would have been one of the girls in the crowd at the Orpheum, singing along with her favorite lyrics and dancing in rhythm with the crowd, and he would have scribbled an autograph for her after the show – while quietly adding his phone number without being asked. It was a simple fantasy, but it was his.</p><p>But those were never-moments. Even if he had been able to avoid the cursed hot dog that had led to his death, his future would not have tangled with hers. He was a seventeen-year-old from 1995. She had been born after the second millennium. Their paths never would have crossed.</p><p>Still, the imagining – there was no harm in it, was there? He knew his limitations as a ghost. He would never hope to interfere in her life that should have never included him in it.</p><p>Julie would graduate high school, she would go on to college, she would date someone who wasn’t him and love him and marry him. That was the way of things.</p><p>But even without a beating heart, the pain in his chest felt <i>real</i> at the thought of seeing Julie move beyond the band and secure her own life.</p><p>Luke should have wanted that for her – and he did. It was only the selfish part of him that tried to sway him otherwise.</p><p>“You okay, man?” Reggie’s voice broke through the cacophony of thought. “You’ve been staring at that notebook for a good half-hour.”</p><p>Luke looked up to see his bandmate and best friend casting a worried look in his direction. Only then did Luke realize he had run line after line in the composition book that served as his treasury of lyrics.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” he said, flipping the notebook closed before Reggie could comment on the doodling. “What’s up?”</p><p>Reggie didn’t look very convinced, but he didn’t press. “Julie’s going to be late today. I overheard Ray talking on the phone with her. We should probably start practice without her.”</p><p>Luke’s first instinct was to say that they should wait for her, but he smothered the words before they could escape him. Reggie was already too keen on reading Luke’s moods; he didn’t need the third degree over the logistics of a ghost crushing on a living girl. “I’m ready when you guys are,” he said, casting a glance between Reggie and Alex, who was already seated behind his drum set.</p><p>“Okay,” Reggie said, still in that tentative tone of voice that made Luke want to glare at him. “Ready your instruments, fellows, because it’s going to be a scorcher.”</p><p>Alex snickered. “Mixing up your metaphors, Reg?”</p><p>If it had been possible for him to blush, Reggie would have. He looked down at his bass guitar awkwardly as if he couldn’t bear to look anywhere else. “I was just trying to sound cool,” he muttered.</p><p>From there, they began their usual practice, trying out different approaches to the same lyrics and melodies. But Luke’s mind was elsewhere as his fingers fumbled over the guitar strings.</p><p>“Okay, okay, just stop,” Reggie said, right before holding up a finger to Luke. “You’re off your game, my man, so spit it out. What’s on your mind?”</p><p>Luke was ready to deny it – it was just an off day, he was fine, there was nothing but some creative block in his head – until he just sighed. He never could hide things from his bandmates who were closer to him than even brothers would have been.</p><p>“It doesn’t feel right, practicing without Julie,” Luke mumbled. “She’s become a part of our band, our <i>sound</i>, you know?”</p><p>Reggie cast a look to Alex, who just shrugged, before his eyes settled on Luke again. “You’re hiding something, Luke Patterson, and it isn’t just about the band.”</p><p>Luke shook his head, but Alex cut off whatever defense Luke had for himself by saying, “He does this all the time when he’s into a girl. Remember Madison, Reggie? He could barely sit through our practices. If he had had one of those smartphone things back then, he would have been texting her every chance he got.”</p><p>Reggie laughed. “Yeah, I remember those few weeks. It was brutal. He wouldn’t stop <i>sighing</i>.”</p><p>Luke definitely would have turned all shades of red if he hadn’t been a ghost. “Shut up, guys! It’s not funny.”</p><p>“So you <i>do</i> have a crush on Julie,” Reggie said, as if it were some sudden revelation gifted to him from up on high.</p><p>“I’d say it’s been pretty obvious for a while,” Alex said, grinning widely in a way that Luke didn’t like much at all.</p><p>“What?” Luke shot indignant looks to his bandmates. “You’re telling me you guys <i>knew</i>?”</p><p>“Heck yeah,” Reggie said. “And you couldn’t have picked a better girl. Julie is top-tier. She gets along with your buddies, and she’s just as crazy into music as you are. Plus, she laughs at all my jokes.”</p><p>Luke couldn’t <i>believe</i> them. How had they realized it before he had? “That’s – that’s not—”</p><p>“Don’t protest too much, Luke,” Alex said. “You’re not the best at lying as it is.”</p><p>Reggie chuckled to himself. “Remember when he tried to convince that bartender he was twenty-one? He nearly got us thrown out of the club.”</p><p>“And that wasn’t the first time,” Alex added.</p><p>Luke wished he could have hit them right at that moment. “Guys! Be serious. Whatever I do or don’t feel for Julie, it would never happen in a million years.”</p><p>“Why?” Reggie asked. “She seems to like you well enough—”</p><p>“I’m a freaking ghost!” Luke exclaimed.</p><p>“Ah,” Reggie said, “there is that.”</p><p>“Yeah, big hurdle,” Alex agreed.</p><p>“Exactly!” Luke exclaimed. “So you guys should be <i>discouraging</i> me from any potential feelings that can never come to fruition anyway!”</p><p>“Maybe she wouldn’t mind the ghost thing that much,” Reggie said. “Some girls might find it romantic that you love her so much even though you can’t, y’know, touch her or anything.”</p><p>“No one said anything about love!” Now, definitely, Luke was in panic mode. He couldn’t remember a time when he felt so embarrassed and mortified.</p><p>Both of his bandmates responded by bursting into laughter.</p><p>“Chill, man,” Alex said. “No one’s dragging you to go confess your feelings to her.”</p><p>“Well, not right <i>now</i>,” Reggie said with a thoughtful tone of consideration.</p><p>Luke huffed out a breath just out of habit – and for effect. “Will. You. Guys. Just. STOP?!”</p><p>When he had their attention, he continued, “No one is going to say <i>anything</i> to Julie. Things are complicated enough as it is with all the band and ghost stuff.”</p><p>“Okay,” Alex said.</p><p>“If that’s what you want,” Reggie said with some disappointment in his voice.</p><p>“Good,” Luke said. “Now let’s just get this practice over with.”</p><p>Even with his bandmates casting worried looks his way, Luke ignored them.</p><p>It would be a long time before he could accept his feelings for what they were – and act on them accordingly.</p>
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